A week past Friday, chillingly the 13th, I really wasn’t sure about all this ‘self-isolation’ palaver. Having been not really something I’d done before, I just ‘got on with it’. This is now Day 9 and already the jury is out. I feel hopelessly addicted to ‘updates’ on every conceivable form of social media. I’m checking them incessantly, stopping and wailing uncontrollably when I see a video of some Spanish polis signing to a crowded block of flats or, worse, 379 Primary 2’s giving us a rendition of ‘Sunshine on Leith’ with Miss Stewart, their 15 year old teacher leading the way. I need the Handy Andies for my tears, not my sneezes.

Certainly where I am there is a slightly eerie sense of desertion – the streets and indeed motorways are freakishly quiet and I’ve had relatively little trouble buying anything at my local supermarkets. However, it is the social media broadcasts of the wallopers that are not playing the game that is strikingly irritating. Hoards of jakeys determined to have their bevvy in their local and the usual profusion of teenage neds assembling at pointlessly random locations like parks, beaches and any waste ground just to get mortal on 20/20. The question is though – why are we not doing more to out these selfish clowns? Why not shame them all so violently and openly that they will recoil back to under their rocks? Because it’s not a very British thing to do, that’s why.

Here we are , for virtually every single one of us in the throes of a crisis the likes of which none of us have ever experienced. Not since the Spanish ‘flu pandemic of 1918 has there been such a worldwide medical emergency.

People are dying, across the board and at an unspeakable rate. The numbers are growing exponentially and it is becoming near impossible to control it.

We have been asked to ‘stay indoors’ . Get pissed if you want – just do it in your house, possibly even your garden. But ‘social distance’. For your own good. For the good of others, in particular. For the preservation of life for those who do not deserve to die from this virus, irrespective of their age or underlying health. This is not just confined to 94 year John, great-great-great Grandad from Giffnock. There are people in their 30s on life support; fathers and yound women who will not see another Christmas.

Yet we are told that we might just be able to control and get rid of this bastard thing if we stay indoors and obey some simple but scientifically proven (effective) rules. But some scumbags can’t even do that. It makes me apoplectic with rage.

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Non-compliance has become a social pastime here. Enforce it now by the use of the Army and the Police and then let’s look at those bampots flagrantly disobey what they have been told to do. Fines then jail for the miscreants.

Much as I love my country – sometimes I hate it.

Stay well, friends.